A New Moon Day

Today was one of those days where it was rainy all day...my Mom and I finally had nothing to do.  After all weekend of stressing out over Passover and family coming over for lunch and whether or not I was going to be well enough, all the stress was GONE!  We were able to relax and enjoy ourselves!  What better way then with a little OCD (Obsessive Cullen Disorder)?!?  Actually, for me it's more it's more like OJD because I am definitely into the Team Jacob thing...haha...even though I feel a little like a cougar saying that (hey, I am almost 30 *groan*, and he is only 18...). 

To me, this day was right on the money...relaxing and feeling well enough to enjoy a great movie!  I HOPE HOPE HOPE tomorrow and Wednesday's doctor's appointments go well to keep up this trend...

Tired and Confused

I thought my cycle was done...I thought I would start feeling better...not so much, apparently.  Yesterday was awful...I had a low grade fever, stomach pains, nausea, headache that turned into a migraine...the works. This morning, my period RESTARTED!  WTF?!?  Seriously...

I stopped eating dairy all together yesterday because I realized that may very possibly be aggravating my stomach issues.  Sure enough, no dairy today, and my nausea and cramps have been limited...even with the migraine.  I have fainted twice though...but that is thanks to the damn migraine.  I made an appointment with my neurologist for next week, the day after I see the uro/gyn.  I NEED answers...I HOPE HOPE HOPE I get them...I NEED to move on with my life...30 is staring me in the face...

My First Review...

I never thought I would be reviewing anything on this blog...but this seemed like a good idea.  This actually does go with my theme of life with autonomic dysfunction as well because I use this all time...especially when I am sick!  The backround is so much better then most books...my eyes do not get as tired reading from the kindle as they do reading most paperback books.  The books are also less expensive buying from amazon.com then from the bookstores.  I only have to charge the kindle every couple of days, and only for a couple of hours.  The case I keep it in is light weight and does not interfere with my reading at all.  I have gotten used to "turning the pages" with a click of the button, instead of turning the page.  I honestly enjoy using the kindle more then I enjoyed reading paper books.  I have read more books on the kindle then I ever imagined possible (and for a lot less money) !!  I could not be happier!!

I HOPE HOPE HOPE I will inspire more people out there to read!!!

Healthcare

I don't normally post about politics...but today I just saw something on my facebook page, from one of my "friends" that just irritated me to no end.  She wrote that she is "disgusted" by the thought of "socialized healthcare".  This post makes me incredibly frustrated!  I have a really hard time with people of my generation believing that ALL people don't deserve health care.  Who is she to decide that there are people out there that are not good enough to see a doctor, to pay for tests, for medications, just because they can't afford insurance...or maybe it's because they have a "pre-existing condition" that prevents them from obtaining it another way.  Not all people who don't have insurance now are "deadbeats who can't get jobs" as the way most people out there are depicting it now.  There have been so many reports on t.v. from people who NEED insurance...people who are dying without medications...people this legislation would help.  I HOPE HOPE HOPE the American people will open their eyes and stop this partisan-bashing and look to the good of the nation!!!

Rock and a Hard Place

Last night I fainted after dinner and today I got a migraine and fainted after some diet Coke...all thanks to my period.  I still have the damn rash on my chest...I am exhausted.  I can't wait for this nightmare of a cycle to be OVER so I can return to some sort of "normal" for me.  I know it is because of the hormones and after doing a little research on line (because you know my doctors aren't any help) I know it's also because of adrenal fatigue of some sort.  Well that should not surprise me any.  My adrenals do not work, and haven't in a very long time thanks to all the prednisone I have been on.  Unfortunately I cannot lower my dose because of all the upcoming events...family coming in for Passover, then my sister and James coming into town for a few days, then my dental visit (which will take a few WEEKS to recover from...).  I won't be able to lower for almost two months...

Two more cycles like this...I HOPE HOPE HOPE I can make it through ok...

The Joys...

Oh the joys of womanhood...for the first time in four years I got my period on Monday. It has been two months to the day since I stopped the birth control pill, and two months since I have had any autonomic symptoms.  Thankfully those symptoms have not returned.  What did start returning last week (which I did not understand at the time) were fevers, nightmares, diahrrea, and the rash on my chest.  Monday, I started with the spotting, and Tuesday it turned into mild cramping and staining...today is severe fatigue, nausea, lightheaded, and of course, cramps.  I definitely remember why I stayed on the pill since I was 14 years old!!    I just HOPE HOPE HOPE it doesn't last too long!!! 

Negativity

I had my first date in year and half...I met him from an on line dating service and spoke to him on the phone for a week or so before we met in person.  Today, I met him at a great Italian restaurant and then we were going to walk around the mall a bit (the restaurant was at the mall...so we didn't have to drive anywhere else).  We met for a late lunch...the food was delicious, but he found a way to be negative about the restaurant when I said that he would now have a great new place to go when he wanted good Italian food. He also told me stories where he was rude to friends and strangers...I can't understand people like that.  I try to be nice and positive and happy...why waste so much energy being mean and hurtful to people? Why be negative all the time? Why not be happy with what you have?

I dated someone like this before...never happy with what he had...and therefore, never happy with me...I always had to be better...I had to dress better, want to do something better with my life, exercise more, etc...I cannot be with someone like that again!  It was too hurtful! 

I HOPE HOPE HOPE I will find someone who will make me as happy as I can make them...

Thank Goodness...

Ok...I had my allergy test today for the lidocaine without preservatives and I did NOT have a reaction! WAHOO!  I was pretty sure I would faint or my throat would close...but neither occurred, which means I can have the dental work completed with a lot less worry.  I set up my appointment with the dentist to go over my results of the allergy test and how that impacts my treatment plan.  I really HOPE HOPE HOPE that lowers the cost of my procedure!!

THE BILL...

Yesterday I went back to the dental office to meet the anesthesiologist that will be doing my procedure (or so I thought).  He is the head of the practice and very nice...as he started asking me questions about my illness he called in ANOTHER doctor/dentist in the practice to listen to my case and work with him while doing my procedure as well...umm...that gets rather pricey, having two dentists!!  They also want me to have skin testing done to check if I am truly allergic to local anesthetics (both without preservatives). This should be SUPER FUN...ugh!  The final bill should be around $5000...insane!!!  I will only be sedated, not fully unconscious...but I will have two anesthesiologist/dentist/doctors in the room at all times to do three fillings/a scaling/root planing/and a graft on my bottom teeth (thanks prednisone for all you have done to my mouth).

I HOPE HOPE HOPE I can use at least ONE of the local anesthesia meds I am being tested for!!!

Dating Again

Oh my..I am trying to date again after almost a year and half of being single. Talk about SCARY!  I put up a profile on match.com and have already had quite a few bites, which is flattering.  I am talking on the phone with two guys, who both want to meet, and who both know a BIT about my illness.  They know I haven't worked, and that I live at home with my parents and don't own my own car.  So far, so good.  I am terrified to reveal more.  I know I don't have to yet.  TMI is not good for anyone before the first date. 

I HOPE HOPE HOPE something works out...and I HOPE HOPE HOPE my Mom can start to let me go...

Religion

Typically I don't comment on my friends' posts on facebook about their religious beliefs.  This time I felt I should. My friend wrote that he believed that religion was "silly" and that it led to feelings of guilt. Part of that I believe...it can lead to feelings of guilt, if taught in such a way that promotes hate and intolerance...but I had to comment about the part of religion being "silly".  I am not religious, but I do believe that people should be able to feel comfortable in whatever higher power they believe. He of course wrote that he loved how open minded I am, but he feels that religion leads to war and pain. I can't disagree with that...but I have seen it do quite a bit of good in the lives of my sick friends.  They need something to cling to, even if it's something they can't see...I HOPE HOPE HOPE people will learn tolerance, and SOON...

Money

I just spent so much money...The dentist will cost me over $2000...and I just spent $300 on a glorified vibrator (ok, it's a vaginal stimulator for pelvic floor dysfunction, but it goes up "there" and buzzes, so I can only imagine...).  I am SO not happy about all this!!  I have freaking insurance, and it covers NOTHING...not one penny of what I need done for my teeth or this stim machine.  This is a lot of money!

I HOPE HOPE HOPE nothing else comes up!!

Dentist...

Tomorrow I will start my search for a dentist that will perform the work I need done: deep cleaning and fillings with IV sedation using as LITTLE numbing as possible.  The allergist I went to today said that even if he did the skin tests on me, it wouldn't show the AUTONOMIC reactions I have from the lidocaine and benzocaine...and therefore probably wouldn't show any other form of reaction from novicaine reaction either. I just have to HOPE HOPE HOPE that while I am sedated my thoat does not close...

Fun Weekend

We went up to Orlando to surprise my nephew for his 5th birthday party and then spend the next day with my sister and family at Epcot.  It all went off without a hitch!  I actually was able to walk around the whole park of Epcot without needing a wheelchair!!  That is a huge achievment for me!  I was really happy with how far I have come...I was exhausted by the time we came home last night around 10 pm, but it was WELL worth it!!  We even got to spend the night at the Dolphin hotel...that was an AMAZING experience!!!  I am so glad we were able to spend the whole weekend together!

HOPE HOPE HOPE we can do something together again soon!