Another Day...Another Migraine...

I woke up in the morning, after a full night of sleep, still hoping that I would have another good day like the one before, only realize, the second my eyes popped open, that I had a migraine again. My eyes were blurry...the right side of head, just over my right eye (like always when I have a migraine) burned like hell!  The depression hit me like a ton of bricks first thing in the morning...it was just 6:30 am and already I was in pain and knew the rest of the day was going to suck. 

I can't even take medication to help the migraines when they breakthrough anymore...they all make me sick to my stomach or make me feel like I am having a heart attack or cause allergic reactions (lucky me!). I do drink diet coke (with caffiene) to ease the pain a little bit.  I managed to read half of "Precious" during the day...reading is pretty much the only thing I can do during migraine days.  The noise and lights of computers and televisions make the migraine pain SO MUCH WORSE!  I was happy that I was able to write the blog yesterday!  I am making an effort the keep that up no matter how bad things get...so some days the blog might only be a couple of lines...but I will explain that if it happens...

I did manage to get out to my psychologist appointment...and boy did I need that!  I have been seeing this therapist for 8 years now. She has experience dealing with people who have medical illnesses and need help coping with the fallout, so she definitely understands the depression that comes along with this crazy ride that is my life.  She has seen me through the ups and downs. This is definitely a DOWN time! I explained to her about the meltdown I had the other day that led to this blog. I told her about my feelings about dying...apparently they aren't that crazy afterall, seeing that I am constantly in survival mode all the time now. It is natural that I think about, and am coming to term with my own mortality.  Not something someone my age usually has to think about.  I, honestly, felt crazy for thinking about it...

I still wish I was able to DO something more productive, in the "traditional sense"...maybe one day...

By nighttime I felt a little better, but then felt worse again before bed, and ended up fainting...lovely...but at least my throat didn't close this time.  My migraine seemed to break after the faint.  My body is so weird!

I went to bed, once again HOPE HOPE HOPE....no migraine...I really need to go shopping for new clothes!